blapk!

well, all is well... well, its as good as it can be. i may as well go ahead and tell the story as i heard it to clear up any questions and for sick enjoyment of those who like trainwrecks... (fyi: i'm using the lanuage as i heard it and there are some pretty gross me out moments)

so, they got a divorce this past august and he (we'll call him bill) was not happy of the end of their marriage dispite his unhappiness in the marriage. so he bugged her constantly, saying really hateful things and trying to get her back into his life. (what a smooth operator) my mom was trying to be nice and she had, had enough. well, fast forward to the events of friday night, bill called my mom and he begged my mom not to hang up on him. he apologized for being rude and asked my mom if he could borrow a couple ambien. my mom reluctantly agrees and tells him that he can come get them but then he needs to leave. he comes over and gets the pills. my mom goes into another room hoping he gets the hint and leaves. instead he joins her in the room she's in and tells her that he is going to go into her hamper and get out a pair of her dirty undies to take with him. (EW!) my mom tells him thats disgusting and NO! he does it anyway and my mom is just like "whatever. take them and GO!" he doesnt. instead he goes to where my mom is sitting, pulls her out of the chair by her arm and hair (OUCH!) and tells her "I'm going to fuck the shit out of you tonight if its the last thing i do" (OMGWTFBBQ!?!?!) so there is a struggle between bill trying to forcfully pull my mother into her bedroom so he can rape her and her getting loose trying to get to the door. after many attempts to escape by my mom and lots of pushing and hitting by bill, my mom makes it out of the door and hauls as much ass as she can to her sister's house (my mom lives on a farm and shares a driveway with her sister and BIL. the distance between their houses is about an acre). my uncle is standing outside seeing my mom being chased by a deranged bill and trys to block bill from getting to my mom. bill knocks down my uncle, knocks off his glasses (which he's practically blind with out) and grabs my mom by the hair by the maybe billionth time for the night and tries to pull her back to her house. my uncle regains his footing and somehow pries bill out of my mom's hair. while my uncle somehow deals with bill he yells at my mom to run into his house and call 911! about this time bill leaves then the police show up and my mom files a complaint against bill. so my aunt and my mom are walking back to my mom's house and they see bill trying to pull back into my mom's driveway, but when he notices them he backs out and pulls into a neighboring driveway that isnt 1000feet away. they call the cops again (there was an immediate restraining order against bill and his proximity to her house). the cops do whatever they do and my mom, aunt, and uncle get into my aunt's car and decide to find a hotel for the night. but no hotels avliable thanks to some convention in houston. so they go back to my aunt's house and hang out there. my mom gets a call on her cell from bill telling my mom that he's at her house and going to kill himself in the next ten minutes. (AHHHH!) so they call 911 again and tell them whats going on. the next thing my mom told me was that he used one of his shotguns and killed himself. (dammit!)

so, that was what i heard on friday night sometime after the incident. my mom has no concept of the time frame this all happened. i can only imagine. its NUTS to the infinty factor! so here's a few puzzle pieces that i found out the following day when bill's daughter was informed of his death and my mom talked to bill's 1st ex-wife (we'll call her no.1).

my mom's bedroom windows were shot out. (WTF?) so, my mom is talking to no.1 and she is relaying a conversation that bill had with his daughter and her the night before, before bill sealed his fate. apparently bill was telling his daughter where all his important "stuff" could be found and what he wanted after he was gone and just general freaked his kid out (who's 29, but its still WAY FREAKY!!!). she kept asking him where he was and that they would come get him and work whatever was wrong out, but he wouldnt tell her anything like that. so she hands the phone to her mother (aka. no.1). bill tells no.1 that he "roughed up" my mom pretty bad earlier that night and that he wasnt telling anyone where he was because he wasnt going to jail. period. and that he was going to kill himself that night, but he was going to kill my mom 1st! (OH NOES!!!) so, apparently, bill thought my mom was in her bedroom because that was the only light she left on in the house, but she was at my aunt's, and bill shot into the windows of her bedroom and then shot himself.

ok, how messed up is that? i was talking to Erin last night (btw, THANKS! its always nice knowing there is someone out there that you can babble with for 2hours+ about who's husband is geekier) and we decided that this would be a great movie. seriously, its too far off the deep end it shouldnt be reality. all jokes aside. it is reality. and a very sad reality. sometimes the pains of life outweigh a person's coping ability. while i'm certainly not an advocate of suicide (infact i'm 100% the opposite, i firmly believe that suicide is NEVER the answer no matter the situation!) but it was his decision and thats that.

i am doing fine. every now and again the shock kicks back in, but i'm not angry at bill as i was friday night and when i found out the phone call he had with no.1. in fact, i'm really reluctant on publishing this. bill was a good man. i do want everyone to know that. life got to him. despite the actions of his final day, his legacy should not be remembered as those actions. he was a hard worker who loved his family and was a friendly person. being that no one is perfect and that sometimes people change while others do not, the marriage between bill and my mother didnt work. my mom didnt want to be married to him, but she wanted to be his friend. she didnt want this. but he couldnt deal with her not being his. (and, as far as i know, there could be so many more things that lead him to this) my mom is coping. not blaming herself which is often a reaction that happens in this situation and likely to be what bill wanted her to do. she's having her ups and downs. i'm not sure if its that he's dead, or the shock of the whole evening combined, or the fact that all this crap happened at her home. she told me today that she was thinking about having her house "blessed" (ok mom.) which is a little weird because she's not the most religious person, but whatever starts her on the road to recovery. bill's daughter is dealing as well. she's planning a memorial service and has shown no anger towards my mother as of yet (which is how it should be, but not so much her style in the past).

this is big. and this is permanent. but this is how it is. it definately reminds me how senseless suicide is in my eyes. and reminds me how people can be altered and warped by their emotions. sometimes a good thing and sometimes, like in this case, not. bill is missed for the good man he used to be and he did the best thing he could do, i guess. quite frankly (and cold-heartedly. i know, but its honestly how i feel), i am not glad he is dead, but i'm glad that this chapter is finally closed in my mother's life and she can attempt to carry on and live her life the way she wanted to. it will take time to heal, but there is plenty of time.

so, now that our hearts are all beating a little faster and we feel like we need some popcorn and milk duds, i believe i will go finish project: baby gate. **

oh noes! not another "are you flippin kidding me?!?" post!

yes its that time again. my poor blog has been ultra dramatic lately. i think i should change it to pink and glittery and add the word "diva" somewhere within its title.

so, this time, its my good buddy Erican. (you guys remember her, right? the one who didnt congratulate me when i got married. didnt attend the baby shower hosted for me in houston much less volunteer to host her "best" friend's baby shower for her. the one who didnt even think of congratulating us when the boogerbear was born much less actually do something to show that she was happy for our new family. the one who i turned the other cheek and bent over backwards for her wedding/bachelorette party/bridal shower and spent a ton of $$$ on to make sure she was happy and didnt even get a thank you. the one who i declared "fogiven and forgotten" in my book because i thought at this point in her life she might be a differnt person. yea, that one...)

well, she's knocked up, we've spoken of this before, and i decided to go ahead and host a shower for her. i asked around to some of her "close" friends and got little to no response from them. ok. so i have one friend helping me out. i've kinda taken the reigns (because thats what i do) and i'm comfortable with that right now. so for the past couple days i've been getting emails from erican. i asked her to get me a guest list from her mother, her hubby's mother, and herself and also that she might want to get started researching those registries (we all know how lame baby stuff can be. especially when you buy one thing. hate it. and buy another.0 i get an email back from her TELLING ME "you know there are going to be boys at this thing, right?" um. no. but ok. if you really want them there at your baby shower, but, most guys, arent into and dont get the whole baby shower thing. ok. no big deal. boys. i'm hip. i can deal. i can force them to submit to my will or they DIEEEEE! yea. anywho so i get another email today TELLING ME "so you know this is going to be held at the hall where i got married, right?" um. no. how in the hell am i supposed to know that?!?!?! i'm planning (and paying for) this whole thing and where does my input come in? i dont know.

so, basically she wants a big party. not a baby shower. fine. she can do that. i volunteered to host a baby shower for her. i did reply to her email (why dont people call one another for these kinds of things, i'll never really understand) and i did reply with a lot less pussyfooting than i usually do with her. her email basically said that i didnt have to do everything for the shower, she was planning on having one big shower rather than several little ones, and that they are planning on inviting a "lot" of people. my email was this:

"right. i was expecting to send out a lot of invites and have a good
number of people show up, but, with us hosting the party, we make
those decisions (with the mother's wishes in mind) and things have
already been started.

if you want to do a large party, you're more than welcome to. doing a
baby shower for a friend, in my eyes, is a tradition that is there to
celebrate the mother and her soon-to-be babies and help them prepare
for the transition in a fun way and thats what we're trying to plan.
as for multiple showers, if someone else wants to throw a shower for
you, then either have them contact me or amanda and we will get them
involved in the shower we're planning for nov24th or let them host
another shower for you. a work shower, for instance, is perfectly
normal...

i'm ok with some males being there. i had ben go to mine and i did
invite 3 or 4 other males that were important to me. things like that
are great if there are men who want to be so involved in baby things.
but, in most cases, males just dont get the whole baby shower thing.
they dont want to play shower games. they dont want to eat girl food
and drink punch. they dont want to oooo and ahh of the cute little
stuffed animals and outfits give to you. i do understand that some
guys (like Chris, your brothers, and your dad, etc..) have a special
interest in you and whats about to happen, so i comepletely get
wanting and having them there. if chris wants a party/"shower" for
himself, then maybe one of his guy buddies should throw a man shower
than can be more geared to that crowd.

what kind of plans have you made? i feel like i told you that i was
trying to get a shower together for you and you're telling me that its
going to be different that what i can accomplish. first of all, i want
to make this special. i want to get the food and the decorations and
the gifts just right. i cant do that in a hall. i cant do that if our
guest list bloats to 60+ people because we've decided that we need all
the boys in your life and every other female guest's there too.
second, this is a present to you. a shower is a time that your and
chris's immediate family and your close friends get to spend time with
you, have a good time with you, and celebrate you. with so many
people, that just doesnt seem possible.

if there is something that's driving your decisions on this matter,
please tell me. i dont know that i'm missing something or if our
expectations of a baby shower are just that different."

the one thing i left out was in response to me not having to do everything for the shower. i just didnt think it was polite to tell her that i didnt see anyone else bending over backwards making her "special day" everything it should be.

anywho, thats what's currently preventing me from thinking of anything else. for which, i am kind of grateful. i'll post more about that later tonight... poop.

if nothing else, this has keep my blog lively this weekend. i think i will force the husband to take a walk down to the park with me and the boogerbear before it gets dark!!!!

things that make me happy

i'm tired of yucky posts! (OMG!?!?#@#21 there are all of two of them!!! AHHH!!! RUN AWAY!!1 crap, i need to go to sleep.) so (i say so a lot), i would like to make a list of 5 things that always make me happy. and i ask you to post a comment or make your own post on your blog doing & asking the same to your readers. there isnt enough time spent on happy thoughts its always the sad things that grab our attention. granted there are times to be sad. but, when you cant change what's making you sad, then you should work on not being sad about it anymore.

here's my happy list:
1. my son's smile.
2. my husband's hugs.
3. walks along the beach.
4. a snickers bar when i'm craving a snickers bar.
5. making another person's day .

***just an FYI, typically when i post in these dodads "(babble)" its my inner monologue. when i get a little tired, it gets a little kookie.***

part2 of a very bad night

i really hate to leave my blog with that as its last post for the day. i really hate that i had to post it at all. seriously. thats lame.

well, everyone has decisions to make in life. i can wish until i'm blue in the face that his death didnt happen, but i will never be able to change his decision. even though he was never really in my life, i'm sad that there is no chance for him to ever be. i'm very sad for what this is going to do to my mother. i couldnt even imagine. she didnt actually see him do it or see the results of what he did. but there was a whole ordeal through the evening and somewhat prior to the kaboom (no pun intended, really) and this event isnt something someone just "gets over." for her sake, i hope she can truely come to terms with the situation and not blame herself. she didnt pull the trigger.

she asked me if i would come down. i dont think i'm going to. ben could be leaving at a day's notice for korea. granted, this would be grounds to take some time off and he could go with me, but what happens to my mom when i leave? then she has to morn us leaving too? i think the support system my mom has locally is what she needs right now. i'm totally avaliable to her at any time of day or night, but i dont think i should actually be there. maybe i should go. i'm going to be there in a few weeks for thanksgiving. oh, i dont know. we'll see what happens tomorrow.

speaking of tomorrow, i'm really worried about what his daughter is going to do. she's never reacted well to bad situations and she's really never had a good relationship with my mom. actually the two of them pretty well hated one another. so, i dont want his daughter to try to express her pain by attempting to take it out on my mother one way or another.

well, i feel better after putting some of my emotions & thoughts down into words that i can understand. i certainly dont understand why. i can understand that life moves on and thats a fact, jack!

totally a rant. dont mind me.

so. my mom's ex-husband shot and killed himself tonight. in my mom's front yard. wow. that looks bad.

so. its complicated. of course it is.

so. i've never been angrier at a single person in my entire life, but i'm sad. or maybe i think i should be and the anger is blocking my feeling factory. i want to cry, but i think its more for my mom and what she's been and is gonig through. but i cant cry. i cant do anything.

so. i'm tired.

FOR JO!

for my son's first birthday we did the cowboy/western theme. i, of course, made the invitations and wanted to share them with you!

EXTERIOR:


INTERIOR:



FYI: orientaltrading.com has a ton of western party decoration for minimal expense! i loved the western rubber duckies and the "wanted" cowboy cardboards that you build a moustache on (kinda like those bald men things we had as kids where you move the i'm positive toxic material around their head to make them have hair). anywho, yea.

tonight was a good night.

so, i'm sitting up in bed, catching up on some blogs and the husband (who was dead asleep 3seconds before. snoring and all.) rolls over, looks at me and says "i love you" in probally the sweetest tone i've ever heard out of him. its not that we rarely tell one another that we love each other, infact i make it a point to tell him and the boogerbear that i love them as often as possible. it is uncommon for him to A) wake up in the middle of the night unless the boogerbear cries B) to be coherent if he speaks immediately after waking C) to wake up to tell me that he loves me.

it went back to sleep very shortly after this incident, but it was none the less sweet.

tonight was a good night.

i should do this for a living.

i finally created something again! its been forever. i dont think i've touched a thing of glue since i "finished" the boogerbear's scrapbook in JULY!!!!

so here are the invitations i have made for Erican's baby shower.

EXTERIOR:


INTERIOR:


i really had a great time making them. i'm even suprised at just how inexpensive these things are going to be. i got the cards&envelopes from michael's. they're by martha, so i typically would have said that they were too expensive for my purpose, but they were on clearance so i got 4packs of 8sets for $3/each!!! thats cheaper than plain cards and the envelopes are LINED! how freakin nice is that? the ribbon is that cheap-o mini ribbon you can get for like 50cents for a few yards. the ink is out of my printer and will proablly prove to be the most expensive part (i'm still not sure how many invites i have to make... grrr...) and the white interior cardstock is something i just had a ton of laying around with no purpose. win!

i think knowing that i did something fruitful other than cleaning the floors or doing laundry (i did those things too today mind you!) will help me sleep tonight. that or it will keep me up so i can make more things!