blapk!

well, all is well... well, its as good as it can be. i may as well go ahead and tell the story as i heard it to clear up any questions and for sick enjoyment of those who like trainwrecks... (fyi: i'm using the lanuage as i heard it and there are some pretty gross me out moments)

so, they got a divorce this past august and he (we'll call him bill) was not happy of the end of their marriage dispite his unhappiness in the marriage. so he bugged her constantly, saying really hateful things and trying to get her back into his life. (what a smooth operator) my mom was trying to be nice and she had, had enough. well, fast forward to the events of friday night, bill called my mom and he begged my mom not to hang up on him. he apologized for being rude and asked my mom if he could borrow a couple ambien. my mom reluctantly agrees and tells him that he can come get them but then he needs to leave. he comes over and gets the pills. my mom goes into another room hoping he gets the hint and leaves. instead he joins her in the room she's in and tells her that he is going to go into her hamper and get out a pair of her dirty undies to take with him. (EW!) my mom tells him thats disgusting and NO! he does it anyway and my mom is just like "whatever. take them and GO!" he doesnt. instead he goes to where my mom is sitting, pulls her out of the chair by her arm and hair (OUCH!) and tells her "I'm going to fuck the shit out of you tonight if its the last thing i do" (OMGWTFBBQ!?!?!) so there is a struggle between bill trying to forcfully pull my mother into her bedroom so he can rape her and her getting loose trying to get to the door. after many attempts to escape by my mom and lots of pushing and hitting by bill, my mom makes it out of the door and hauls as much ass as she can to her sister's house (my mom lives on a farm and shares a driveway with her sister and BIL. the distance between their houses is about an acre). my uncle is standing outside seeing my mom being chased by a deranged bill and trys to block bill from getting to my mom. bill knocks down my uncle, knocks off his glasses (which he's practically blind with out) and grabs my mom by the hair by the maybe billionth time for the night and tries to pull her back to her house. my uncle regains his footing and somehow pries bill out of my mom's hair. while my uncle somehow deals with bill he yells at my mom to run into his house and call 911! about this time bill leaves then the police show up and my mom files a complaint against bill. so my aunt and my mom are walking back to my mom's house and they see bill trying to pull back into my mom's driveway, but when he notices them he backs out and pulls into a neighboring driveway that isnt 1000feet away. they call the cops again (there was an immediate restraining order against bill and his proximity to her house). the cops do whatever they do and my mom, aunt, and uncle get into my aunt's car and decide to find a hotel for the night. but no hotels avliable thanks to some convention in houston. so they go back to my aunt's house and hang out there. my mom gets a call on her cell from bill telling my mom that he's at her house and going to kill himself in the next ten minutes. (AHHHH!) so they call 911 again and tell them whats going on. the next thing my mom told me was that he used one of his shotguns and killed himself. (dammit!)

so, that was what i heard on friday night sometime after the incident. my mom has no concept of the time frame this all happened. i can only imagine. its NUTS to the infinty factor! so here's a few puzzle pieces that i found out the following day when bill's daughter was informed of his death and my mom talked to bill's 1st ex-wife (we'll call her no.1).

my mom's bedroom windows were shot out. (WTF?) so, my mom is talking to no.1 and she is relaying a conversation that bill had with his daughter and her the night before, before bill sealed his fate. apparently bill was telling his daughter where all his important "stuff" could be found and what he wanted after he was gone and just general freaked his kid out (who's 29, but its still WAY FREAKY!!!). she kept asking him where he was and that they would come get him and work whatever was wrong out, but he wouldnt tell her anything like that. so she hands the phone to her mother (aka. no.1). bill tells no.1 that he "roughed up" my mom pretty bad earlier that night and that he wasnt telling anyone where he was because he wasnt going to jail. period. and that he was going to kill himself that night, but he was going to kill my mom 1st! (OH NOES!!!) so, apparently, bill thought my mom was in her bedroom because that was the only light she left on in the house, but she was at my aunt's, and bill shot into the windows of her bedroom and then shot himself.

ok, how messed up is that? i was talking to Erin last night (btw, THANKS! its always nice knowing there is someone out there that you can babble with for 2hours+ about who's husband is geekier) and we decided that this would be a great movie. seriously, its too far off the deep end it shouldnt be reality. all jokes aside. it is reality. and a very sad reality. sometimes the pains of life outweigh a person's coping ability. while i'm certainly not an advocate of suicide (infact i'm 100% the opposite, i firmly believe that suicide is NEVER the answer no matter the situation!) but it was his decision and thats that.

i am doing fine. every now and again the shock kicks back in, but i'm not angry at bill as i was friday night and when i found out the phone call he had with no.1. in fact, i'm really reluctant on publishing this. bill was a good man. i do want everyone to know that. life got to him. despite the actions of his final day, his legacy should not be remembered as those actions. he was a hard worker who loved his family and was a friendly person. being that no one is perfect and that sometimes people change while others do not, the marriage between bill and my mother didnt work. my mom didnt want to be married to him, but she wanted to be his friend. she didnt want this. but he couldnt deal with her not being his. (and, as far as i know, there could be so many more things that lead him to this) my mom is coping. not blaming herself which is often a reaction that happens in this situation and likely to be what bill wanted her to do. she's having her ups and downs. i'm not sure if its that he's dead, or the shock of the whole evening combined, or the fact that all this crap happened at her home. she told me today that she was thinking about having her house "blessed" (ok mom.) which is a little weird because she's not the most religious person, but whatever starts her on the road to recovery. bill's daughter is dealing as well. she's planning a memorial service and has shown no anger towards my mother as of yet (which is how it should be, but not so much her style in the past).

this is big. and this is permanent. but this is how it is. it definately reminds me how senseless suicide is in my eyes. and reminds me how people can be altered and warped by their emotions. sometimes a good thing and sometimes, like in this case, not. bill is missed for the good man he used to be and he did the best thing he could do, i guess. quite frankly (and cold-heartedly. i know, but its honestly how i feel), i am not glad he is dead, but i'm glad that this chapter is finally closed in my mother's life and she can attempt to carry on and live her life the way she wanted to. it will take time to heal, but there is plenty of time.

so, now that our hearts are all beating a little faster and we feel like we need some popcorn and milk duds, i believe i will go finish project: baby gate. **

oh noes! not another "are you flippin kidding me?!?" post!

yes its that time again. my poor blog has been ultra dramatic lately. i think i should change it to pink and glittery and add the word "diva" somewhere within its title.

so, this time, its my good buddy Erican. (you guys remember her, right? the one who didnt congratulate me when i got married. didnt attend the baby shower hosted for me in houston much less volunteer to host her "best" friend's baby shower for her. the one who didnt even think of congratulating us when the boogerbear was born much less actually do something to show that she was happy for our new family. the one who i turned the other cheek and bent over backwards for her wedding/bachelorette party/bridal shower and spent a ton of $$$ on to make sure she was happy and didnt even get a thank you. the one who i declared "fogiven and forgotten" in my book because i thought at this point in her life she might be a differnt person. yea, that one...)

well, she's knocked up, we've spoken of this before, and i decided to go ahead and host a shower for her. i asked around to some of her "close" friends and got little to no response from them. ok. so i have one friend helping me out. i've kinda taken the reigns (because thats what i do) and i'm comfortable with that right now. so for the past couple days i've been getting emails from erican. i asked her to get me a guest list from her mother, her hubby's mother, and herself and also that she might want to get started researching those registries (we all know how lame baby stuff can be. especially when you buy one thing. hate it. and buy another.0 i get an email back from her TELLING ME "you know there are going to be boys at this thing, right?" um. no. but ok. if you really want them there at your baby shower, but, most guys, arent into and dont get the whole baby shower thing. ok. no big deal. boys. i'm hip. i can deal. i can force them to submit to my will or they DIEEEEE! yea. anywho so i get another email today TELLING ME "so you know this is going to be held at the hall where i got married, right?" um. no. how in the hell am i supposed to know that?!?!?! i'm planning (and paying for) this whole thing and where does my input come in? i dont know.

so, basically she wants a big party. not a baby shower. fine. she can do that. i volunteered to host a baby shower for her. i did reply to her email (why dont people call one another for these kinds of things, i'll never really understand) and i did reply with a lot less pussyfooting than i usually do with her. her email basically said that i didnt have to do everything for the shower, she was planning on having one big shower rather than several little ones, and that they are planning on inviting a "lot" of people. my email was this:

"right. i was expecting to send out a lot of invites and have a good
number of people show up, but, with us hosting the party, we make
those decisions (with the mother's wishes in mind) and things have
already been started.

if you want to do a large party, you're more than welcome to. doing a
baby shower for a friend, in my eyes, is a tradition that is there to
celebrate the mother and her soon-to-be babies and help them prepare
for the transition in a fun way and thats what we're trying to plan.
as for multiple showers, if someone else wants to throw a shower for
you, then either have them contact me or amanda and we will get them
involved in the shower we're planning for nov24th or let them host
another shower for you. a work shower, for instance, is perfectly
normal...

i'm ok with some males being there. i had ben go to mine and i did
invite 3 or 4 other males that were important to me. things like that
are great if there are men who want to be so involved in baby things.
but, in most cases, males just dont get the whole baby shower thing.
they dont want to play shower games. they dont want to eat girl food
and drink punch. they dont want to oooo and ahh of the cute little
stuffed animals and outfits give to you. i do understand that some
guys (like Chris, your brothers, and your dad, etc..) have a special
interest in you and whats about to happen, so i comepletely get
wanting and having them there. if chris wants a party/"shower" for
himself, then maybe one of his guy buddies should throw a man shower
than can be more geared to that crowd.

what kind of plans have you made? i feel like i told you that i was
trying to get a shower together for you and you're telling me that its
going to be different that what i can accomplish. first of all, i want
to make this special. i want to get the food and the decorations and
the gifts just right. i cant do that in a hall. i cant do that if our
guest list bloats to 60+ people because we've decided that we need all
the boys in your life and every other female guest's there too.
second, this is a present to you. a shower is a time that your and
chris's immediate family and your close friends get to spend time with
you, have a good time with you, and celebrate you. with so many
people, that just doesnt seem possible.

if there is something that's driving your decisions on this matter,
please tell me. i dont know that i'm missing something or if our
expectations of a baby shower are just that different."

the one thing i left out was in response to me not having to do everything for the shower. i just didnt think it was polite to tell her that i didnt see anyone else bending over backwards making her "special day" everything it should be.

anywho, thats what's currently preventing me from thinking of anything else. for which, i am kind of grateful. i'll post more about that later tonight... poop.

if nothing else, this has keep my blog lively this weekend. i think i will force the husband to take a walk down to the park with me and the boogerbear before it gets dark!!!!

a lovely weekend

i would put this past weekend in the good time bin. we we're busy, which, being the tweeker that i am, i enjoyed. saturday i went to the SUPER-DUPER O'NIEL MEGA! MEGA SALE!!! in Santa Cruz... with about a billion other people. it wasnt that bad really. it took me about 10minutes to park, then 20minutes to find two armfuls of misc clothing for the hubby, and about 2seconds to realize that i didnt have the 2hours to wait in line for the register since my haircut appointment was in 30munites and it would take 20minutes to get there. so i left my pile in the mostly appoipriate areas and headed back to get my haircut. my hair is very normal and very borning currently, but my scalp needs some heal time before i dye it again, which we all know i will. i didnt take any photos of the new do yet, but i'll wash and style it later for you kid-Os. after my cut it was time for our friend's annual yard party. so i packed up the guacamole, chips, baby, and beer and we headed over to their house. it was an awesome way to spend the afternoon/early evening despite that it was a little on the hot side (as usual). they made some awesome grilled shrimp and beefy bits to be held with in tortillas. the boogerbear loved it! dad got a little tipsy so by the time it was time to head out, i had to drive. well, at least he had a good time.

sunday, i went back to the SUPER-DUPER O'NIEL MEGA! MEGA SALE!!! in Santa Cruz, but this time with no time limit. i got a bunch of great shirts for the hubby and a few sweaters for me (lets not forget that i'm from TX and have a hard time with winter...) after that i called my MIL and we made plans for a little "just us" (meaning her, my FIL, the hubby, boogerbear, the auntie KT, and me... possibly the BIL and a collection of his children. thats it. period.) gathering. so i went to the store, bought some tri-tip to BBQ, fresh sweet corn and smashing potators. POTATORS!!!! prep'd what i could and headed over to the MIL's house in the early evening. all was well until the BIL went on an hour (or more) long "beer run". the joke was that he made the "beer run" to his GF's (yea, nicole, the one we dont particularly care for). haha. HEY! we think its funny!!!! anywho, he gets back. we get beer. (yay!) then he tells us that she's going to stop by (who invited her?!?! it wasnt his place to do that!!!!). my MIL and i both stare blankly into nothingness. dead silence covers the house. one of the children makes a noise. we bother jump to its whim and pretend the BIL said nothing. he leaves the room. we look at each other. i got get us a couple more beers. 4 or 5 or 6 beers later, she shows up. the auntie KT (who is about the only one sober) goes for a beer run. this was mandatory for the night to go on. i'm sober enough to ignore and not look anyone in the eye, but drunk enough not to care. i had my fingers crossed that she would leave within 15minutes. WRONG! she stayed for dinner. um. excuse me?!?!?! WTFFFFF!!!! she wasnt invited. MORE BEER! ok, it wasnt that dramatic, but the little rage gnome in my head was boucing off the walls never the less. the boogerbear was convienently tired after dinner so the hubby motored us home. despite the unwanted/uninvited company, it was a good evening.

i made the hubby labor on labor day! i drug him around to ikea and a handful of other furniture stores looking for a new entertainment center. his AV equipment is oversized and its proving quite difficult to find anything that will accomodate it so we're still using his very nice, existing unit that tyler deems a ladder. but i got some shelves and some brocolli cheese soup out of the day. yay!

i'm tired today. i had big things to do in my head, but no energy to do them. poop. maybe tomorrow.

are you flippin kidding me?!?!?

so, everything is going well with our nephew at our home. the newest info we have is that the detective couldnt label the injury as accidental so it advanced to the next level. dun, dun. DUUUN! so, that means his medical records and the detective's investigation was sent to a forensic dude to be examined. the forensic guy will examin the evidence and do 1 of 3 things:
1. label the case non-accidental
2. label the case accidental
3. determine the case unsovable
option 2 & 3 get our nephew back into his mother's loving arms. option 1 gets a further investigation of the "suspects" and clears those who are determined innocent.

by the sounds of it, this could take a day, or two, or ten... so our timeline of retaining custody is still a wee bit hazy. poop.

i'm loving having our nephew here, but i miss my son. the boogerbear is here, but i didnt realize just how much i really love spending time with him and just him. if nothing else, this has made me more than understand that i'm NOT ready for another baby. i need more boogerbear!

so the flipping kidding me part:
the mother involved is a bit on the firey side. infact, she has one red hot temper/personality! i dont know how to explain it, but that she has a thing against my BILs children. the story goes like this. since we've had custody of our nephew, we've been in control of "visitations." Visitations have basically consisted of us hanging out playing with the babies for LONG stretches of time. which is not what is mandated by the court, but has been ok'd through the kind folks at our local CPS office. its cool. its not our routine, but i'm more than happy to have both "sides" of the family in my home as long as it helps to ease the crap that is CPS. well, now the mother wants to tell me i cant have my other nephews (her boyfriend's, my BILs other children from a previous marriage) in my home because it "over stimulates" her son! WHAT?!?! did she just tell me i couldnt invite my family into my home? people who aren't even involved in the investigation?!?!?! wow. just wowowowowow! first of all, as a mother, i know the kind of people/children i want my child to be around. i have no problem with these kids. they're good kids! second, thats a load of horse manure if she thinks that when her son hangs out with his half siblings that he's over stimulated. he loves it. in fact, both of the boys do. its nuts i tell you. how on earth can someone be so unappreciative and disrespectful?! ugh. this woman. i shake my head at her and pray for the best. there are so many thoughts racing through my head about this one, but i cant even type it out.

anywho, enough. i talked to the BIL about it. the SIL about it (thanks KT!). i talked to the hubby about it. the drama is over... for now.

the boogerbear wants to play the steal the remote game so i had better get into my best defensive stance. here's to a good tomorrow!!!