blapk!

well, all is well... well, its as good as it can be. i may as well go ahead and tell the story as i heard it to clear up any questions and for sick enjoyment of those who like trainwrecks... (fyi: i'm using the lanuage as i heard it and there are some pretty gross me out moments)

so, they got a divorce this past august and he (we'll call him bill) was not happy of the end of their marriage dispite his unhappiness in the marriage. so he bugged her constantly, saying really hateful things and trying to get her back into his life. (what a smooth operator) my mom was trying to be nice and she had, had enough. well, fast forward to the events of friday night, bill called my mom and he begged my mom not to hang up on him. he apologized for being rude and asked my mom if he could borrow a couple ambien. my mom reluctantly agrees and tells him that he can come get them but then he needs to leave. he comes over and gets the pills. my mom goes into another room hoping he gets the hint and leaves. instead he joins her in the room she's in and tells her that he is going to go into her hamper and get out a pair of her dirty undies to take with him. (EW!) my mom tells him thats disgusting and NO! he does it anyway and my mom is just like "whatever. take them and GO!" he doesnt. instead he goes to where my mom is sitting, pulls her out of the chair by her arm and hair (OUCH!) and tells her "I'm going to fuck the shit out of you tonight if its the last thing i do" (OMGWTFBBQ!?!?!) so there is a struggle between bill trying to forcfully pull my mother into her bedroom so he can rape her and her getting loose trying to get to the door. after many attempts to escape by my mom and lots of pushing and hitting by bill, my mom makes it out of the door and hauls as much ass as she can to her sister's house (my mom lives on a farm and shares a driveway with her sister and BIL. the distance between their houses is about an acre). my uncle is standing outside seeing my mom being chased by a deranged bill and trys to block bill from getting to my mom. bill knocks down my uncle, knocks off his glasses (which he's practically blind with out) and grabs my mom by the hair by the maybe billionth time for the night and tries to pull her back to her house. my uncle regains his footing and somehow pries bill out of my mom's hair. while my uncle somehow deals with bill he yells at my mom to run into his house and call 911! about this time bill leaves then the police show up and my mom files a complaint against bill. so my aunt and my mom are walking back to my mom's house and they see bill trying to pull back into my mom's driveway, but when he notices them he backs out and pulls into a neighboring driveway that isnt 1000feet away. they call the cops again (there was an immediate restraining order against bill and his proximity to her house). the cops do whatever they do and my mom, aunt, and uncle get into my aunt's car and decide to find a hotel for the night. but no hotels avliable thanks to some convention in houston. so they go back to my aunt's house and hang out there. my mom gets a call on her cell from bill telling my mom that he's at her house and going to kill himself in the next ten minutes. (AHHHH!) so they call 911 again and tell them whats going on. the next thing my mom told me was that he used one of his shotguns and killed himself. (dammit!)

so, that was what i heard on friday night sometime after the incident. my mom has no concept of the time frame this all happened. i can only imagine. its NUTS to the infinty factor! so here's a few puzzle pieces that i found out the following day when bill's daughter was informed of his death and my mom talked to bill's 1st ex-wife (we'll call her no.1).

my mom's bedroom windows were shot out. (WTF?) so, my mom is talking to no.1 and she is relaying a conversation that bill had with his daughter and her the night before, before bill sealed his fate. apparently bill was telling his daughter where all his important "stuff" could be found and what he wanted after he was gone and just general freaked his kid out (who's 29, but its still WAY FREAKY!!!). she kept asking him where he was and that they would come get him and work whatever was wrong out, but he wouldnt tell her anything like that. so she hands the phone to her mother (aka. no.1). bill tells no.1 that he "roughed up" my mom pretty bad earlier that night and that he wasnt telling anyone where he was because he wasnt going to jail. period. and that he was going to kill himself that night, but he was going to kill my mom 1st! (OH NOES!!!) so, apparently, bill thought my mom was in her bedroom because that was the only light she left on in the house, but she was at my aunt's, and bill shot into the windows of her bedroom and then shot himself.

ok, how messed up is that? i was talking to Erin last night (btw, THANKS! its always nice knowing there is someone out there that you can babble with for 2hours+ about who's husband is geekier) and we decided that this would be a great movie. seriously, its too far off the deep end it shouldnt be reality. all jokes aside. it is reality. and a very sad reality. sometimes the pains of life outweigh a person's coping ability. while i'm certainly not an advocate of suicide (infact i'm 100% the opposite, i firmly believe that suicide is NEVER the answer no matter the situation!) but it was his decision and thats that.

i am doing fine. every now and again the shock kicks back in, but i'm not angry at bill as i was friday night and when i found out the phone call he had with no.1. in fact, i'm really reluctant on publishing this. bill was a good man. i do want everyone to know that. life got to him. despite the actions of his final day, his legacy should not be remembered as those actions. he was a hard worker who loved his family and was a friendly person. being that no one is perfect and that sometimes people change while others do not, the marriage between bill and my mother didnt work. my mom didnt want to be married to him, but she wanted to be his friend. she didnt want this. but he couldnt deal with her not being his. (and, as far as i know, there could be so many more things that lead him to this) my mom is coping. not blaming herself which is often a reaction that happens in this situation and likely to be what bill wanted her to do. she's having her ups and downs. i'm not sure if its that he's dead, or the shock of the whole evening combined, or the fact that all this crap happened at her home. she told me today that she was thinking about having her house "blessed" (ok mom.) which is a little weird because she's not the most religious person, but whatever starts her on the road to recovery. bill's daughter is dealing as well. she's planning a memorial service and has shown no anger towards my mother as of yet (which is how it should be, but not so much her style in the past).

this is big. and this is permanent. but this is how it is. it definately reminds me how senseless suicide is in my eyes. and reminds me how people can be altered and warped by their emotions. sometimes a good thing and sometimes, like in this case, not. bill is missed for the good man he used to be and he did the best thing he could do, i guess. quite frankly (and cold-heartedly. i know, but its honestly how i feel), i am not glad he is dead, but i'm glad that this chapter is finally closed in my mother's life and she can attempt to carry on and live her life the way she wanted to. it will take time to heal, but there is plenty of time.

so, now that our hearts are all beating a little faster and we feel like we need some popcorn and milk duds, i believe i will go finish project: baby gate. **

part2 of a very bad night

i really hate to leave my blog with that as its last post for the day. i really hate that i had to post it at all. seriously. thats lame.

well, everyone has decisions to make in life. i can wish until i'm blue in the face that his death didnt happen, but i will never be able to change his decision. even though he was never really in my life, i'm sad that there is no chance for him to ever be. i'm very sad for what this is going to do to my mother. i couldnt even imagine. she didnt actually see him do it or see the results of what he did. but there was a whole ordeal through the evening and somewhat prior to the kaboom (no pun intended, really) and this event isnt something someone just "gets over." for her sake, i hope she can truely come to terms with the situation and not blame herself. she didnt pull the trigger.

she asked me if i would come down. i dont think i'm going to. ben could be leaving at a day's notice for korea. granted, this would be grounds to take some time off and he could go with me, but what happens to my mom when i leave? then she has to morn us leaving too? i think the support system my mom has locally is what she needs right now. i'm totally avaliable to her at any time of day or night, but i dont think i should actually be there. maybe i should go. i'm going to be there in a few weeks for thanksgiving. oh, i dont know. we'll see what happens tomorrow.

speaking of tomorrow, i'm really worried about what his daughter is going to do. she's never reacted well to bad situations and she's really never had a good relationship with my mom. actually the two of them pretty well hated one another. so, i dont want his daughter to try to express her pain by attempting to take it out on my mother one way or another.

well, i feel better after putting some of my emotions & thoughts down into words that i can understand. i certainly dont understand why. i can understand that life moves on and thats a fact, jack!

totally a rant. dont mind me.

so. my mom's ex-husband shot and killed himself tonight. in my mom's front yard. wow. that looks bad.

so. its complicated. of course it is.

so. i've never been angrier at a single person in my entire life, but i'm sad. or maybe i think i should be and the anger is blocking my feeling factory. i want to cry, but i think its more for my mom and what she's been and is gonig through. but i cant cry. i cant do anything.

so. i'm tired.

are you flippin kidding me?!?!?

so, everything is going well with our nephew at our home. the newest info we have is that the detective couldnt label the injury as accidental so it advanced to the next level. dun, dun. DUUUN! so, that means his medical records and the detective's investigation was sent to a forensic dude to be examined. the forensic guy will examin the evidence and do 1 of 3 things:
1. label the case non-accidental
2. label the case accidental
3. determine the case unsovable
option 2 & 3 get our nephew back into his mother's loving arms. option 1 gets a further investigation of the "suspects" and clears those who are determined innocent.

by the sounds of it, this could take a day, or two, or ten... so our timeline of retaining custody is still a wee bit hazy. poop.

i'm loving having our nephew here, but i miss my son. the boogerbear is here, but i didnt realize just how much i really love spending time with him and just him. if nothing else, this has made me more than understand that i'm NOT ready for another baby. i need more boogerbear!

so the flipping kidding me part:
the mother involved is a bit on the firey side. infact, she has one red hot temper/personality! i dont know how to explain it, but that she has a thing against my BILs children. the story goes like this. since we've had custody of our nephew, we've been in control of "visitations." Visitations have basically consisted of us hanging out playing with the babies for LONG stretches of time. which is not what is mandated by the court, but has been ok'd through the kind folks at our local CPS office. its cool. its not our routine, but i'm more than happy to have both "sides" of the family in my home as long as it helps to ease the crap that is CPS. well, now the mother wants to tell me i cant have my other nephews (her boyfriend's, my BILs other children from a previous marriage) in my home because it "over stimulates" her son! WHAT?!?! did she just tell me i couldnt invite my family into my home? people who aren't even involved in the investigation?!?!?! wow. just wowowowowow! first of all, as a mother, i know the kind of people/children i want my child to be around. i have no problem with these kids. they're good kids! second, thats a load of horse manure if she thinks that when her son hangs out with his half siblings that he's over stimulated. he loves it. in fact, both of the boys do. its nuts i tell you. how on earth can someone be so unappreciative and disrespectful?! ugh. this woman. i shake my head at her and pray for the best. there are so many thoughts racing through my head about this one, but i cant even type it out.

anywho, enough. i talked to the BIL about it. the SIL about it (thanks KT!). i talked to the hubby about it. the drama is over... for now.

the boogerbear wants to play the steal the remote game so i had better get into my best defensive stance. here's to a good tomorrow!!!

just a quickie

ok, our nephew sustained a mysterious skull fracture while we were in san diego. we came home and the whole family is suspect of negligent treatment and abuse! there is a huge on going investigation and there are only two family options who are eligible to take temporary custody of him. the other option has to return to work, so ben and i are the only option now.

So far our experience with CPS has been productive. i'm actually suprised just how thankful even CPS is for family members who care/love their own and at how much emphasis they put on taking care of the CHILD. i've heard so many CPS horror stories that i thought our nephew would just disappear on his way here, but he didnt and everyone has been very accomodating in helping us help the child.

our nephew is here with us now. he did really well with us this evening. fairly happy. both his mommy and daddy came to see him tonight. this is REALLY putting a LOT of strain on an already strained relationship, but, epecially after seeing them with the boy tonight, i have a really hard time believing that this incident was more than a freak accident. who knows though, right?

there is a facilitating family meeting on thursday. here we will sit down with the parents, other family members, and CPS workers and talk about a game plan for short term and long term living situation/custody of our nephew. i dont really know what to expect from this. the mother's goal is to have her parents granted temporary custody of her son. there are some issues about the maternal grandparents being cleared of suspect in the investigation. that should be clarified at this meeting. the father isnt so sure that the maternal grandparents will be granted temporary custody... for reasons unknown to me. the parents cannot regain custody of their son until the next court hearing in AUGUST!!! (could you imagine?!?!? i would simply cease to exist!)

we're open to whatever is best for our nephew. in our home or else where. its hard enough to survive in this world, he doesnt need all the odds against him. i am so happy that we can provide him a stable home if even for only a few days.

this is a big thing, but its not. does that make sense? in reality, there was no other choice but for us to take him. the other option was for him to go into real foster care (to be honest, i really feel like i'm just babysitting. CPS, court ordered babysittin) and that doesnt sit well with me. bottomline, we love him like the boogerbear and i fully plan on being the best foster mommy i can be until his little world is right again!

ha. short. i need a shower!

twins anyone?

so, i dont know what i can share, but, bottom line, i may be having another baby. tonight....

long story short the hubby and i may become temporary guardians for our youngest nephew who is about 8months old. just how temporary? i dont know. the social worker is doing a background check and talking about a home inspection later this afternoon. and possibly having our nephew in house tonight!

its been quite a day. more if and/or when i know. <3!!!